“Okay.,”I think. “I have one chance to get this right.” I had been watching the Games the whole time they had been on the television and through all the blood and gore I couldn’t help but take a liking to Anne Foyer form District two. She was determined, a lot like me. I knew that she was going to be in trouble soon because she was dangerously close to a blood-thirsty tribute. I was racking my brain trying to decide what I could send to help her. I knew based on the puffs of breaths that she must be freezing. “That’s it!” I think. I can send her a box of matches to keep her warm at night and to cook the her raw meat in the morning.
I sprint to the town center , where you can send gifts to the tributes. There is a swarm of people crowded around the table and I can’t help but hope they are here to help Anne. When it is my turn I take out my meager amount of change “I would like a box of matches for Anne Foyer, District two.” I say to the colorful women at the desk. “Okay,” she replied, “that will be seven dollars please.” I was astounded and appalled, in the beginning of the Games they would have been three dollars. As I forked over my money I couldn’t help but hope that this would help Anne, not hurt her.
I really enjoyed this post, Megan! The only improvement for next time would be to proofread, you wrote ‘form’ instead of ‘from’. That is the only flaw, Great job! I loved the descriptions you used, like saying ‘forking over the money’.
I enjoyed reading this blog post (I also chose Anne, btw). It was entertaining and a good read. I feel like you could have given a bit more of a reason why you wanted to send something to her though, rather than just her determination. Don’t get me wrong, that is a fine reason but you definitely could explained more. I liked the idea of sending her matches, which can be really useful, but I didn’t get that last line. “I couldn’t help but hope that this would help Anne, not hurt her” because I can’t tell how they would hurt her, you could do more to explain that as well. Overall, this was still very good, you just need to explain a couple things a bit better and this would be great!