I had just ran through the rain forest and settled in for the night when I heard it. CRACK! The first thing I did was ready my bow. If there was another tribute here I was not going to hesitate to shoot. I had already killed one boy from district 10 but only because he tried to kill me first. My bow at the ready I grabbed all my stuff and stuffed it into my backpack. The ground shook as hard as my hands. I heard the roar before I saw it. A massive wave of water, taller than all the trees, coming for one goal, me.
I ran as fast as I could, for once appreciating my long legs. I leapt over fallen trees and logs trying not to fall. I knew that this was not a natural occurrence, this was a trap set by the gamemakers. Whenever there was not enough action they would create these disruptions in the game. Most often I was to push us towards each other. I knew that this wave had to be leading me somewhere so I decided that I would just try to outrun it. The stench of saltwater filled the air. It seemed as if the temperature had dropped twenty degrees. I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I tripped. I had fallen on a log in my path. The wood left a gash in my calf. Nothing serious but it would hurt for a while and would eventually need to be bandaged. I realized as I stopped that I had made it to the beach. I turned around realizing that the wave was no longer chasing me because I surly would have felt it by now. It was gone. The wave had disappeared. I was safe. Finally.
I loved your word choices in this piece! The only suggestion I would make is to fix a few incomplete sentences. “My bow at the ready I grabbed all my stuff and stuffed it into my backpack.” was an example of this. The sentence was a little bit confusing, and maybe to fix that you could say “With my bow at the ready, I grabbed everything I had and stuffed it into my backpack.” Other then that, this was a fantastic writing piece, that was so well written!
I love the way you write, You have a great talent for it. This piece was really captivating and had me on the edge on my seat. But when you said, “Most often I was to push us towards each other.” it confused me. I think it was a typo and you meant to say “it” instead of “I”, but just make sure to double check on stuff like that 🙂
Good job!
This was a very captivating post that really had me hooked. You have some great word choices and I really enjoyed reading it. I feel like some sentences you could have combined inverted of putting it into two. For example “I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I tripped. I had fallen on a log in my path.” You should have said something more like ” I was wrapped up in my thoughts when I had trippes on a log in my path” which would be quicker and more effective. Overall, this was still a fantastic writing piece with a great capture of the action, keep up the good work!